I find that our family "disagreements" now tend to boil over and become very complex. Tonight is a perfect example. My 14 year old is insistent. She gets a note from school about supplies. They will hand them out on Wednesday for the "A" class schedule and on Thursday for the "B" class schedule.
It is her considered opinion that she must get her Wednesday things Wednesday and must get her Thursday things Thursday. You can not get both Thursday. To do so would cause a ripple at the least and a tear at worst in the fabric of time. If the space time continuum is destroyed then we all will die and that will occur if we do not go on both Wednesday and Thursday. There is no other option and to even consider it is unthinkable.
So, we have a problem. I am on a business trip Wednesday and not back until late. My wife can not drive as she is very weak and her brother does not return until late. So we have a problem. We have an immovable object and an unstoppable force.
Normally there would be a solution and some negotiation and compromise as we get to the point. However tonight there was no compromise. Wait, this is a 14 year old, there is never a compromise.
When you are accustomed to doing things and that is suddenly taken away from you you feel helpless and worthless, to some degree diminished. The cancer and its treatment have a cumulative effect and weakness has set in. She is tired and grows weary very quickly. Walking down the block and back is a chore, going to the store is an effort that results in over exertion and illness. Driving 30 minutes to go to a Target and back again is an almost Herculean feat for her and it results in a daylong recuperation. It is effort that a year ago was no more than a little outing with the girls.
The argument that ensued pitted a 14 year old's insistence against the weakness and it resulted in my love crying that she could not even take care of her children any longer and was useless and tired. I tried to reason with the 14 year old and it went no where. Then I blew up and yelled at her loudly enough that people in Lebanon surely heard. Her 21 year old brother rushed to her defense. I told him to stay out. My 14 year old cried and my 21 year old argued and I yelled.
We stopped and took account of the damage that was done. Even after apologies are issued the damage is done and cancer has hurt yet another person. I hate the disease and all it has done to us, every one of us.
1 comment:
Cancer is a family disease, much like alcoholism is. Consider this - your 14-yo wants her mommy back and life to be what it was before, but almost more than that, she wants to be "normal" - at least as far as school goes. You were never a 14-yo girl, but you were 14 once. Normal (and all that entails) and fitting in (and all THAT entails) is everything. She wants her mommy and understands deep inside that her mommy will never be the same again, that life will never be the same again, and she will grab for normal where ever she can find it.
Have someone else take her, someone she knows and trusts and can be her normal, at least for these 2 days.
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