December
Sam came back today. It is always good to see him both coming and going. At 21 you are all about yourself and your needs. It goes without saying. It is still hard because he needs the attention.
We have one more chemo left and it comes just before Christmas. We then descend down into the tiredness and fatigue. It finally gives up its hold on her after about ten days which is just in time for the next round.
Almost all the presents are purchased and once again we have spent liberally. I don’t think it portends any hollowness or lack of spirituality. It is just a way to give to the kids. The season is not so great anyway to me. I have a long rant about Christmas that shows my general disapproval of celebrating a high point of worship by commercializing it. I think it is the end of the year that does it more than just Christmas.
It bothers my love and I am sure it rubs off on the kids. My psychiatrist says it is normal to a degree but it also is because I am coping with too many stresses – life threatening disease, reconciling with death, demands of the kids to live and live vibrantly. Perhaps he is right. Everyone around me says I need to be on antidepressants. I disagree. The key to it is not a little pill but the end of the threat or my reconciliation to it. Neither is happening any time soon.
1 comment:
Don't discount the "little pill" - think of it as an aid to help you make it through to the end. It won't make you all "la-dee-da, I don't care" - but it will make everything bearable. I know. I'm there.
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