It is x-ray day and she goes in to work. She will have the x-ray and it won't be read until a week from now. The tension is high and it will come out in small arguments and angry responses from everyone.
The pain is still there and she did not ask for pain medications. I get so furious with her about that. She doesn't take care of herself and then she is in pain and suffering. She deserves better and it teaches a bad lesson to our daughters. Still she is resolute, as if she believes she deserves the pain.
She had the x-ray and I quiz her endlessly about the results. She knows nothing but the anxiety level it produces in me is almost intolerable. Did they look at it, did the technician give any indication, did anyone freak out and offer you pain meds? This comes from the first x-ray. At that time, the radiologist was on hand and took one look at it and said, "Do you need any drugs? Whatever you want, just tell me." In short he freaked out badly. This time there is no such indication from anyone. Which means we will have to wait.
Earlier I wrote about milestones. Sometimes I think I look by the side of the road we are on looking for milestones overgrown by weeds, just something to give an indication of where we are in the process and journey. It just seems like endless routine and no real sign of progress. I don't do well on long journeys with no end in sight. It drains hope from you.
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Insight into the female psyche - she's teaching her daughters the lesson we've all learned from our mothers, and that we pass down - we are not worth the trouble. Or, to put it another way, take care of everyone else first, then take care of yourself. If you were in this much pain, and fighting this battle, she'd be as angry at you as you are at her. Do what you can for her, don't wait for her to do it. If you can, call her dr. and request the pain meds. She's tired, and she's fighting hard, and "too much trouble" is easily translatable into "I have the advil here, I don't have to call anyone and ask for something else."
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