Long Haul November 2007

So it is time for the long haul. It is time for the grind. Each time Cindy gets drip chemo the cycle begins:

• Day of chemo - it is tough to sit and watch her receiving chemo. Many of the people there are on the verge of death and look like they are checking out. One young lady ran out of insurance funds to get chemo and so the staff was telling her to go to Medicaid and seek funds but they still gave her treatment. I am also one of the few people who come with the person getting treatment. I can't understand that but it is hard to sit there. Eventually she falls asleep and I place the blanket around her. The fluids are not warmed and even in a heated room she shivers.
• Day 1 following - she is tired beyond words. It takes all her effort to stay awake. That Saturday is spent sleeping off and on. I try to keep the girls occupied and out of the house.
• Day 2 following - she is still tired and rests more often than not. She also begins getting depressed. It is tough to deal with but easy to understand. If I catch on early enough then I can deal with it. Lilli does not catch on and besides, at 14 it is all about her. Age appropriate I guess. Molly becomes a vegetable at the TV and I try to clean up the house and get laundry and shopping done. Sometimes I send Molly to the neighbor's house and hope she is not a burden there.
• Day 3 following - her energy is on the upswing but the depression lingers and stays for the next several days. The kids are back in school and she gets up to go to work and makes the drive and will spend the day there. I will work and worry, calling and emailing to determine mood, energy, aches and pains.
• Day 4-7 following - this pattern of fatigue, recovering energy depression and recovery will continue until 7-10 days following the chemotherapy.

Her hip has been hurting her badly and she is out of pain killers. "Ask for some." I say. "Too much trouble," she replies, "besides I can just take 5 Advil." Now that is logic that stuns me. It is easier to take 5 Advil several times each day and complain of pain than to pick up the phone and call the doctor to get painkillers prescribed? I don't understand and so I argue with her. She assures me she will do it but really just wants me to stop. I know she won't make the call.

She has scheduled an X-ray to determine what the issue is. She thinks it is another and new cancerous spot. Her regular doctor was not in and his substitute scheduled it. I have not told the kids and will wait to hear back. We will deal with it as it comes, possibly grinding out a new treatment schedule.