The drug names come at me in a blur. Single meds, combinations, cocktails all swirl around with unpronounceable names. After a while I get lost. Perhaps they should just call it eye of newt and toe of frog. I look them up and try to understand the side effects and primary effects. I research companies with cutting edge treatments and try to follow them. I try to find emails of companies who have experimental drug trials . Do we qualify? How can I find them? What is the next step? What is the nmae of that treatment center? They have to be good, they adertise on TV.

It becomes an act of desperation to try and follow everything.

I was meditating to try and find some peace and solace. It isn't happening. Slowly I sink into it and it is so very relaxing. I send out thoughts of good health and cure to her. Does she receive it? Does she know? Is it all about me disguised as all about her?

I may never know, but will she?